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Chroniques d'un loup solitaire


Oct. 2nd, 2012 08:49 pm Overdue update

Some of you know already that I lost a dear friend and a mentor last January.  Since then, life has been crazy; 


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-Lastly, I can’t wait for FF :)

End of report

Current Location: Living Room
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Diane Dufresne - Le parc Belmont

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Dec. 2nd, 2011 08:42 pm "Y a des enfants"

     Life must have slow down some because again the muse is visiting me again and I found that I have something to write about, something to ponder about.
 
     I was very withdrawn these past months because things at work has taken to the worse; to be honest, I still don’t know if I will still be working there next summer or if the company will still be healthy next summer.  That said, things seemed to have eased down a bit in the past few days.
 
     But that is not the topic for this post tonight.  This morning I was listening to songs from Ginette Reno on YouTube as I was ironing my work clothes and this song started “Y a des enfants”.  It is a song about children in misery in other country but without going too deep in the dramatic, I was still reminded how we often tend to focus on our little misery.
 
     Yes, I had money problems trying to sustain my mate and paying for the immigration process while losing my job and still trying to pay for the taxes of my mom house.  True that I had to go through three floods in the past 5 months and that work is starting to suck quite strongly... but I never had to drink dirty water (not even in the darkest part of my life and I lived through very dark places in my time) I am lucky to have reach the age of 43 and I am bless to have been and still being loved. 
 
     I read a book once that was saying that everyone can be happy and that happiness was only a way to see life; that the brain could be thought to be happy and I do believe that it is true.  I fought hard to change my way to look at life and sometime the bad habits come back in a flash (especially when bad lucks come in burst).  I once believed that I can set goal to which if I reach them I would be happy (or at least happier) but that was just an illusion.  You see, most of the goals I aimed for were dictated by comparing myself with other peoples around me and no matter which goal I reached, I wasn’t happy because then I was aiming to reach yet another level.  We seldom compare ourselves with the less fortunate; we rather compare ourselves with the most fortunate, wishing to have what they have (often forgetting the price they paid for getting it). 
Doing so, we are seldom satisfied or happy but if we take a break and see what other don’t have, see what we are so privileged to have maybe we would be happier and we would become better humans...
     If you think that it is easy to do, let me tell you that for me it is still too often a lot of work to see my life in that angle.  Just last night my mom called me to tell me that the city is threatening to sue and close her house because she doesn’t have the money to change the old septic system (about $25 000 to fix everything) and, not having work at my new work for a year still, I cannot even try to mortgage that house to help her.  This is more than a money value for me, it is the stress that my mom will be living through for the next year and maybe she will lose the joy of living there next summer (that is where she lived all her summers for the past 44 years) and turning 70 this January (and with her bad health) it might be her last year or one of her last years.  I would have loved to offer my mom the security and the peace she deserves for her last years. This is weighing heavily on my heart.  Still, we have a piece of land that we can call ours and HOME; we know what love is and still our stomach are full and we drink as much as we desire. 
 
     I was reading about some of my friend’s problems:  lack of jobs, lost of housing, etc.  One even started complaining about his government helping another country before helping his own.  Well often, helping the others is helping ourselves.  In this case, if we don’t help Italy and Greece, there is a good chance that their fall will create an even biggest depression here in the Americas (and all over the world).  So yes it is frustrating to go and help the ones that worked so hard to get in that position (and often got there just because of their greed) but in this case like so many times, we are better calming down our resentment and do what has to be done to remedy the immediate situation and later, work on solutions that will prevent such a situation to occur again in the future. 
 
     Please my friends understand that I didn’t intend here to disregard your problems or say that they weren’t serious but know that you are still luckier than most after all, you have water, food, and yes even computer, game console, TV etc...  Be thankful to be alive and being able to live without fear for your life ;)  and know that You are loved.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: peacefulpeaceful
Current Music: Ginette Reno - L'essentiel

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Oct. 18th, 2011 10:50 pm Furfright and stuff

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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: thankfulThankful and tired
Current Music: Queen - Who wants to live forever

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Jun. 13th, 2011 06:40 am Birthday thoughts

This weekend, I am in St-Donat.  Today I cut the grass and started to clean up the land.  The weather was great but the mosquitoes and black flies were atrocious lol.  It was nice to come back to activities I have been doing since my childhood; simple things like mowing lawn and working under the sun to make your little piece of land more pleasant to live in helps grounding you and gives you the time to enjoy being alive.

Hopefully I’ll have many more occasions to do so this year, I need to fill up my bank of this joy of life because the last two years have left my account quite dry...  Soon, I’ll be able to act like a good friend that I like to be.

I feel very bless to have got a stable place where changes has been very minimal.  I did my first steps in the summer shack (which slowly became a house) that I now own.  Yes, the road was build, telephone came and even the electricity but all in all, things haven’t change much here (and probably won’t for hundreds of years).  I live at the end of a “dead end” road, with the lake in front of the house and a beaver dam on the other side of the dirt road on the back of the house.  Both the lake and the beaver dam are protected by National laws so I don’t see things changing much for many years to come.

It might sounds trivial to many but to have a common ground for so many memories through all the years of your life makes some of the memories so much vivid and the land so much dear to your heart.  One thing could have been even better is if I would have been born from a family of agriculture and that I would be working the same land and sweating on the same land as many of my ancestors...

I really thing that with the speed at which things changes and the speed of life nowadays, that we are losing a lot by forgetting our roots.  Is it really worth having a loner lifespan if you hide away in work and in virtual activities (computer and console gaming, chat, movies and TV).  I know now that I am an old fart since I am missing the time when we use to share our time with friends and family playing cards, watching a bone fire or just sitting in the living room with a soft music on the back round...

I will end this entry by saying how happy I am to have live to see another turn around the sun and to have been able to cherish most of that time.

Current Location: St-Donat
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: CATS - Old Deutoronomy

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Jun. 13th, 2011 06:36 am Life, WTF and such

Well most of the important challenges for this year are almost behind me and hopefully life will become more normal now...

 

 

Work, What The Fur and LifeCollapse )

 

Well, the DVD is almost over and so is my inspiration so I’ll stop here and keep some topics for future updates. 

 

Kildoo out

Current Location: St-Donat
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: Peter Gabriel – DVD Growing up

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Apr. 11th, 2011 03:45 pm Very short recap

You all thought that I just gave up on my resolutions but it wasn’t the case.  The day following my last post, I went to work with my father again and we finished all he wanted to do for now.  The following day, I hosted a new friend until late at night and on the weekend, I went to our WTF meeting.

                It is then that everything went sour; I started to feel sick and run really high fevers.  It started like a very bad flu and as it was starting to recede, it suddenly took a turn for the worse.  I ended up on antibiotics.  Even with all the medications and good will, I was still KO for two full weeks and I am just starting to be functional again.

                But the world didn’t stop turning around in the meantime... 

My mom had to go to the hospital for breathing and heart problems.  She is now back home but she will have to go for many other tests next week. 

                A very good friend of mine also ended up in the hospital for blood pressure problems.  He is back home too now but he is waiting for his scan result.

                Even under such black clouds, sunshine did manage to get through since I got called for a job interview which, even though I was sick as a dog, I aced.  I am starting my new job next Monday and I will also be able to attend WTF and FF this year :D

                I’ll try to enjoy my last few days off as much as I can and I will surely not update my LJ regularly until next week.

 

                It is so good to be back with the living again.  (Though I am sure I’ll be really happy to find myself amongst the dead in June at WTF)

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: Placido Domingo and John Denver - Perhaps Love

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Mar. 23rd, 2011 09:57 pm Listen to the wise men

My mom always told me that if you don’t have anything good to say about someone…Shut the f*** up

And there is a saying in French that tells you to spin your tongue seven time in your mouth before speaking (Tourne ta langue sept fois avant de parler)

 

The weather on Monday and Tuesday had been really dark an unpleasant (melting snow and/or windy and humid).  I use that time to relax and finish my book (The Codex).  The enigma by itself had a hint of originality but the characters were a bit empty for me and somewhat inconsistent throughout the book.  Not a book I would recommend to read.

I had to better define my relation with a good friend of mine.  I received a letter with underlined threats because he wasn’t happy of whom I was seeing.  There is not much that will get me angry against a friend but that is one of the things that will do it.  I can understand that a friend could have problem with me having a relation with people they don’t like.  I can even understand if my friends give me multiple warning about these peoples but I will not accept drama, ultimatum or threats regarding who I decide to keep company with.  My mom tried that many years ago and I told her that I did accept everyone she decided to share her life with even if at that time we had to live with her and that did earn me the right to the same respect from her.

I waited to calm down a bit then I wrote him a very diplomatic letter that clearly explained my point of view on that matter.  By the end of the day I had a half apologetic letter from him.

I am trying to do a job for a certain project but I can’t go much further until I receive certain information from my peers; nothing big, just a yes or no on a question, and a copy of a file.  It has been a full week now and I am still waiting.  There is a deadline to that project and I hope that my peers will pick up the ball soon so I can do my part...

 

Today I put my furniture back where they really belong (I changed them last week for the supper) and I swapped my winter clothes for my summer clothes (I am an eternal optimist lol).

I haven’t learned any new words but I did many new jobs applications:  Inventory clerk for GSF Canada and for Varitron Technologie Inc. – Expedition for Oral science Inc. and for Viascan Inc – Buyer for Le Groupe Master S.E.C., for Viascan Inc and for Centura Québec Ltée. – Finally as a worker for a chemical warehouse for Styrochem Canada Ltée.

Sadly still no new words learned; I will start that again tomorrow.  It is hard to keep interested on it when you cannot practice your new skill with someone else that can also challenge you here and there.  Still I need to have the basic learned by end of October.

 

And that is it for today.

 

Holding on tight...the good weather is heading our way J

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: tiredtired
Current Music: Murray head - One Night In Bangkok

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Mar. 20th, 2011 09:04 pm That was a nice weekend



Yesterday, for some weird reasons, I woke up really early (3H30 AM). I decided not to fight this and I went in my living room, opened my computer and use that time for reading and chatting.  A finally felt back to sleep around 8AM and I was able to sleep until almost 10AM. 

                I had a nice surprised when I weight myself that morning...somehow even with the huge meal of Thursday night, the sleeping through Friday, I still lost 3 pounds (and I had the same level of hydration %51).  Anyway, I did some cleaning then I started to prepare my bag and my clothes for the evening meeting.

                I had been chatting with someone from Perth (Ontario) and he was coming in town for a short hop.  Last moment decision but we still wanted to meet in person so it was decided that I would go meet him and a friend of his at his hotel room shortly before supper and that we would pass the evening together.  Once the preparation was done and since I had a few hours to kill, I checked the internet and made another job application (inventory clerk for GSF Canada inc) and it was time to take a shower and go.

                All I can say is that I met two very friendly people and I hope that they will become very good acquaintances (what happened after the Thai restaurant is to be posted behind filter).  I came back home around 1AM.

 

 

                This morning, I woke up a bit late (8 AM).  I went through my internet routine.  Doing so I was happy to notice an answer to a message I had sent Friday.  There was someone whose photos I always found really interesting without knowing it was his.  I inadvertently crossed his webpage that Friday and told him how I felt about his photos and as an answer, he invited me to a weekend party he will be holding at his place in May.

                Once my mate got up and after a bit of reading, we decided to take a walk out.  The weather was a tad bit chilly but the sun and the spring smells were really inviting.  So we walked up to the McDonald, ordered a couple of sandwiches that we ate walking back home, following the river.  This is one of the things I didn’t do much last year. 

In fact, when I think about it, 2010 had not been the best year for me.  I didn’t enjoy walking with my mate much, no camping trip, I was so sick at FF, I didn’t even take all my vacations from work last year so tight money was...  Well a new year has come and hopefully it will end on a more positive way that it began

My mate and I, coming back from our walk, took a nap this afternoon.  Tonight, he is cooking a Tandori chicken for me and it is starting to smell really Yummy here so I’ll bid you goonight.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: relaxedrelaxed
Current Music: Joni Mitchell - Both Sides Now

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Mar. 18th, 2011 10:33 pm Still holding on the resolutions

 

I didn’t post last evening because I was busy preparing everything for the evening meal and it was too late when my hosts departed to write a post.

 

Yesterday for some weird reasons, I woke up one hour earlier than usual.  I took care of my e-mail messages and I went through my normal websites before starting to prepare a playlist for the evening. I am still working on my music library on this computer so it took me a lot of time to find the kind of music I thought we would all enjoy and that wouldn’t be too distractive.

 

My mate and I moved the furniture around; we emptied part of the living room and moved the kitchen table to the living room.  I never really liked the disposition, the lighting nor the view in that kitchen and I thought that the mood was going to be a lot better eating in the leaving room.

 

After that, my mate went to enjoy the nice weather outside and I started to cut into cubes the roasts (Beef and Veal) and the chicken breasts I had bought for the fondue.  I didn’t want to cut the fruits for the chocolate fondue too much in advance nor preparing the vegetables so I worked a bit on What The Fur and I sent many e-mails to the different directors to asks some information that I needed to start planning more seriously our panels for this year.

 

I received a phone call from my mom, telling me that one of my aunts is in terminal phase; she has a colon and a liver cancer.  The sad thing about it is that this part of the family always were really anxious about any inheritance and fearing vultures, they don’t inform the rest of the family of the situation and the whereabouts of my sick aunts.  As such, it is hard for the rest of the family to be there for her in her time of need.  I can smell a lot of resentments coming from this after she’ll pass away.  L

 

                My mate came back a tad bit before 5PM and we were expecting our friends to arrive around 6 PM.  So I read a chapter of my book.  I still haven’t hear from the mystery at all but more characters where introduces and I think that in another chapter or two the story will finally get started.

                Around 5H30 PM, I washed my mushroom, cut the potatoes, filled the burners and started to heat the fondue broils.  At six sharp, I started to light the multitude of candles (it was going to be our only source of lights for the evening) and our friends arrived as I was half way through with the candles.  The main fondue lasted for almost three hours then we took half an hour break (which I used mainly to cut all the fruits) before going for round two.  The chocolate fondue lasted another hour. 

                Now, the meal was very enjoyable but nothing compare to the good time and discussion share with good friends.  I was happy to hear how they enjoy their last few conventions and see how life looked promising for them.  We chatted very briefly about WTF and what we still had to do before the final stretch arrives.  I only wish that they didn’t have to work the next morning because I would have love to enjoy their company more even if I was starting to get tired myself.

                So no job application and only three new words (I’ll get back to this a bit later) but still a very wonderful job.

 

                This morning (as always L) I woke up around 7AM.  I went through the internet routine but I still felt very tired so I decided to try and fool my body.  I found a very monotone program on TV, I lied on the cough and started to watch it.  I was able to fall asleep and I woke back around 3H30PM.  It had been more than a year since I was able to sleep as much during the day.

                Even though I started the day really late, I still was able to send a few applications today.  First one was to work in the expedition office for Fastrate Consolidée Inc, the second was for an inventory clerk for Rébut Solides Canadiens Inc., the third one was for a buyer for Solution en Ressources Humaines Vertex Inc., and finally the fourth one was buyer for Artitalia Inc.  I still have a few to review tomorrow and I hope that I’ll be able to send a few more applications tomorrow.

               

I tried to learn three more words today but I had my first snag.  Because three words looked very similar to me, I am starting to mix them up somewhat.  “About” (which is the right index moving clockwise around the horizontal left fingers), “Around” (which is the right index moving counter-clockwise around the vertical left fingers), and “Associate” (which is Right thumb pointing downward moving counter-clockwise around the left thumb facing up) are very similar to me and even though you might be tempted to say well no problem if you mistake the rotation or do a small mistake, he should understand what you mean...  Well I know by experience that this is generally not the case.  When I say a word that has a “th” and I pronounce it as a “t” (like most French people use to), most of the time, they don’t understand what way are saying.  It is a simple and common mistake but it still baffles most people and I suspect that it will be the same for small mistake in Ameslan.

 

This weekend I’ll work on making a good revision of what I learned up to know and make sure it comes a bit more naturally before trying to learn more words.  The new words learned in the past few days are “Archery”, “Arm”, “Around”, “Arrive”, “Art”, “As”, “Ask”, “Assistant”, and “Associate”

 

                Hoping the weekend will be good and that I’ll be good enough to keep up with the resolution next week.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Current Music: Seal - A Change Is Gonna Come

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Mar. 16th, 2011 06:20 pm Preparations

Today, I did my dishes and then I went to do some errands with my mate.  Since we got the confirmation that our friends will be coming for the evening tomorrow (plus one four legs) we went to find all we needed for that occasion.  It took a bit more time than I would have liked but I found some nice treasures at the second thrift stores we went.

 

As soon as I came back, I did apply for a new job (agent for a call center for the Bank Of Montreal) while my mate answered a few e-mails I got for WTF. 

Personally, I didn’t work on WTF today; I preferred giving my mate a nice massage.  I have been postponing it for over two months now.  The thing is that I really need to feel relax for doing a good job at it; if I am too stress, I just go too fast.  Even now, I am a bit faster than usual; it took me just 45 minutes to do the backside where it usually takes me almost an hour usually.  None the less, I think I did a good job since he is lying on the bed and snoring right now.

I’ll send my WTF e-mail tomorrow since I won’t go out and I do think that 2 hours will be enough to prepare everything for our supper

I called a friend and ex co-worker today and it was nice to see that he was doing great even if work has been hellish since my departure.  It is always nice to see that you are missed after your departure and that now they can really value the work you were doing for them.

I read a bit more of my book today and I can’t wait for the mystery to start and show itself.  Still, I like the mood and the world that the writer has created until now; let’s hope it will keep that bearing.  

No new word yet today; I’ll try to learn three new ones before going to bed and I’ll add them to the other ones on my post tomorrow.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
Current Music: Sarah Brightman - Deliver Me

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